Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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