do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
