That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
