I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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