the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
