..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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