I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
