I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
