I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
