just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
