it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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