so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize