I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
