I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
