Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
