i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
