Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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