I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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