O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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