We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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