I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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