dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize