I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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