Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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