Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
