I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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