Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
