My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
