I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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