bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So many bounce houses so little time
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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