Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
