Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
