So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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