Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
