Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
