I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I've blown a few things in my day
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
