Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
