You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
