Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
