What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
