Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
