Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
This house was built for laser tag.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
