We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
