I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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