so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
