I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
