I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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