he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
