when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
