Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
