I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
