I want you more than these girls want KFC
i will never coherently bang her
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
