i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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