Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
