dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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