I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We're too hungover to prance.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
