Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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