You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
