Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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