I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
