Can Purell be used as lube?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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