There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
