i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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