Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
When did angry sex become our thing?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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