You're completely useless in the revolution.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
