This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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