my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
