my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
