I hope mine doesn't look like that
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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