One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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